30-Day BPD Challenge – Day 17

fear_2_project_origin_1It’s been a while since I posted one of these borderline personally disorder challenge questions and answers, but as they say life has been rather chaotic lately. I’m going to try to get back into post these more often too.

Today’s question: What are 5 of your biggest fears?

Dang, only five? I have way more fears than that so it’s hard to decide what the biggest ones are but I will endeavor to try.

  • Being alone in life
  • Losing my significant other/love interest to death (again)
  • Being homeless (again)
  • Losing my mind
  • Spiders

One of the things that makes me sort of question my BPD diagnosis is the very fact that I’ve never been alone in my life (until now that is). I have always had a partner of some kind and my relationships tend to be long-lasting too.

I lost someone dear to me over Thanksgiving weekend many years ago and it still affects me to this day. Given my current emotional state and battles with my personal demons (one of which is actually the loss of that first true love) the loss of someone close to me would more than likely push me past my breaking point. As it is, I’ve lost more than my share of people over the past two years; some hit me really hard, others not so much so.

I was homeless for a period just over 5 years ago. Being homeless sucks big time and once you reach that point one might be surprised at what they are willing to do to not be homeless. That year I was homeless was also marked by suicide attempts, inpatient stays, and tons of other issues…it’s not a place I’d ever want to find myself in again.

As for losing my mind…I somehow think I am already there.

I also have this absolute, terrifying fear of spiders. Can’t explain it and I know it’s a phobia but still that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to deal with a spider…just sayin’.

Peace, love, and contentment,

PS. You can find the 30-Day Borderline Personality Disorder Challenge here

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