I Messed Up

im_sorry_cards_i_messed_up-p137785308115634238b21fb_400Calories: no f’ing clue
Evening BP: 95/64 HR 75 (if my arms get just a little smaller, I’ll have to get the children’s cuff for my blood pressure monitor)

I messed up this evening, well, in my mind I messed up big time; others in my life are probably happy at the moment. I was doing so well to; I didn’t eat anything yesterday and I hadn’t eaten anything today up till this evening. That’s when I messed up and I am paying the price for my indulgence tonight (and will more than likely beat myself up more tomorrow morning after I weigh in).

How did I mess up? I ate; no I didn’t just eat, I binged big time for me. After running some errands we stopped at a local steakhouse for dinner; surprisingly I picked the place. I posted a status update on Facebook about grabbing a bite to eat; it immediately got a number of likes from those in my life who know I’m struggling with Ana right now. At least everyone else was happy I was eating…I on the other hand wasn’t so sure about the whole thing. Yes, I do like steak, I’ll admit it. Yes, I also like shrimp, and the restaurant had a steak and shrimp meal on the menu! Perfect! Now, it was only a 6oz steak and 5 shrimp, so it really wasn’t a ton of food (heck they had 2 lbs steaks on the menu for god’s sake…I would have died), except for me. Since I so rarely eat and typically only eat very small portions, my stomach has shrunk in size and physically can’t hold as much as most other people. Whilst a lot of people find it odd, I usually order off the children’s menu when I have to eat out; the portion sizes are more in keeping with my own meals and I often have a hard time finishing a kid’s meal too.

steakshrimp-1040375Where I truly messed up was, I ate all five shrimp and the entire steak. I’ll admit it tasted good too. It took me forever to eat it, but eat it I did. Now I am paying the price. I’m laying here in bed in absolute agony; my stomach hurts that much. I can see the distention in my stomach from all the food I forced into this evening. My stomach is making noises that have become foreign to me, gurgling, rumbling, and the like; all things it had given up doing. And the worst part, I promised not to purge; so I know I’m really going to pay for this evenings indiscretion tomorrow morning at weigh in. That has me scared more than anything right now; if a meteor was to hit the earth tonight killing us all that would be fine with me, I wouldn’t have to weigh in tomorrow. sigh…I messed up this evening…

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