Morning weigh in & Sadness

Weigh in: up 0.8 of a pound
Morning BP: 94/64 HR 68

I’m not happy this morning, mostly due to the 0.8lbs increase in my weight but there are other factors at play here too. I know the 0.8lbs increase is the weight of 2 cups of water, so it could be nothing more than water retention but the number of the scale bothers me. I only ate 10 calories yesterday and with everyone home today I doubt I can get away with eating nothing today. It’s going to be a struggle today, that’s about the best I can say on this front. Ana is yelling in my head at the moment, chiding me over gaining 0.8lbs when I ate nothing; yes, it’s going to be a long day of internal debates I can see it already.

Everyday as part of my IOP and DBT therapy I have to fill out daily diary cards and I am thinking of incorporating my daily diary card into my morning post. First it would give me a quick and easy way to keep track of these things since I have to turn them in, don’t get them back, and so it’s hard to go back over them and see if I can spot any trends, correlations, and the like. To me they represent another piece of the puzzle. Second, I think it might help others to know a bit more about some of the things IOP and DBT therapy attempt to address because they aren’t just about tracking one’s mental state; but rather they try to teach someone coping skills so they can go back out into the world and hopefully lead happy lives. It’s something I’ve thought about and I haven’t made up my mind just yet…

Sadness

Yes, I am sad today; actually very sad. Not because I’ve gained 0.8lbs either. No, I’m sad because I’ve been doing a lot of reading of other people’s blogs. I am amazed and happy about the number of people out there who are willing to share their stories; it takes a lot of courage to put this type of stuff out there for the world to see, the labels that ensue, the stigma that may follow, and the problems it can cause. Mental health issues are not an easy topic for people to talk about and that is the very reason why we must talk about them. I am saddened because there are so many blogs by people struggling with mental health issues; if those people’s blogs only represent a small portion of the number of people struggling with mental health issues it says to me that there are a lot of people out there struggling with mental health issues and this saddens me.

Another thing I am sad about this morning is the fairly consistent thread through a lot of the stories I’ve read about the treatment people in a mental health crisis receive; not only from loved ones, but the healthcare providers themselves. Whilst I can understand to some degree family members not handling someone in a mental health crisis well since they’ve never been trained to, their attitudes and behaviours have great impact on the family member struggling in crisis. I also have to remind myself that oftentimes, it’s the behaviours of family members that contributed to the persons mental health issues to begin with; not intentionally mind you.

What saddens me most is reading about some of the care people in a mental health crisis have received at the hands of health care professions. Yes, I know nurses and doctors are overworked, usually under paid, deal with lot of people, and out of self-preservation have to develop a wall to protect themselves from the pain and sorrow they see daily; but when they lose sight that they are deal with a human being it’s gone too far. Someone in a mental health crisis tends to be far more sensitive to things and will take it personally if yelled at, degraded, threatened, and the like. Heck, people in any type of crisis don’t deserve that type of treatment. Yes, in the emergency room I can see them having to be firm with someone who’s struggling and resisting care. Yelling at someone, “well, you should have thought of that before you took a bottle of pills,” is definitely not going to help.

I am reminded of my suicide attempt this past August when I actually got into a fight with the doctor over what I had taken and how much I had taken. Once I admitted that it was a suicide attempt, I told them I took 33 pills of 120mg of X medication. The doctors reaction was, no I couldn’t have as I would be dead. Well duh, wasn’t that the point? And are you seriously arguing with the suicidal girl? Calling someone who’s in crisis a liar? At the time I was flabbergasted. It’s exactly this type of behaviour that is uncalled for…it’s this kind of widespread behaviour that saddens me…

Peace, love, and contentment,
Izzy

1 Comment

  1. I’m sorry about your weight gain. I know how difficult that can be, even when you understand it may only be water weight (and half an hour later it might not have shown!) Your last paragraph, about the doctor not believing you when you were in crisis, made me really angry at the doctor. They are suppose to be dedicated to helping and his words were anything but that! He missed the whole point. ARGGGGH! I’m glad is wasn’t successful because you are still here and able to share your journey. That in itself is a huge forward step.

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