That was yesterday, this is today

anorexiaYesterday I tried, I mean I really tried to eat and I even managed to eat 435 calories worth of food and didn’t purge; although I did use my normal laxatives in the evening. That was yesterday, the day starting out with the scale telling me I’d lost a pound, my day starting off on a good note (to me at least, as for others I doubt it). That was yesterday, my head in a better place.

This is today. My morning weigh-in wasn’t good, but it also wasn’t bad because there was no change in my weight from yesterday’s weigh in. Whilst technically neither good nor bad, given my head space and depression of late my mind automatically gravitated towards the dark side. I contemplated whether to eat today or not; I have been trying to slowly increase my calorie intake and have managed to get it back up to at least close to 500 calories and managed 435 calories yesterday; but that was yesterday, this is today.

Today I haven’t eaten anything, nothing, zip, zilch, zero (okay, I did have 10 calories in an energy drink earlier today, but I’ve more than burned that off by mowing the lawn) and the dilemma I’m facing is whether or not to eat anything this evening. Given that I’ve not eaten anything, don’t feel hungry, and am enjoying the empty feeling I am seriously leaning towards not eating anything at all this evening…

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