Stupid PTSD…

wpid-51f27716585abcbcf6d79eaaf26d16f8.jpgI hate waking in a panic attacked brought on in my sleep because of a night terror and my PTSD! Heart racing, shortness of breath, terrified, crying, and shaking uncontrollably is not a good start to one’s day. Whilst I blame my PTSD, I really should lay the blame not on my PTSD but rather on the person who, even all these years later, still haunts my dreams. The person who both verbally and physically abused me, pushing my buttons until I’d exploded, and then turning everything around to make it my fault, making me the bad person, the person who I had to slip away from the hospital from in the middle of the night to finally break the chains abuse.

Whilst the physical and verbal abuse stopped years ago, you still haunt my dreams, still inflict your pain on me in my sleep, still at some level control my life, and make me afraid to do something as basic as sleep. You are one of the causes for my PTSD and night terrors, not the other way around. I blame you for adding to my PTSD and not helping me cope and try to get past the pain caused me before you came into my life. You claimed you loved me, but I am finally starting to see you for who and what you were; a controlling and abusive jerk . Hopefully someday you will no longer hold power over me, no longer haunt my dreams, and I am so hoping karma is real…

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